February 26, 2012

  • A guy walks into a restaurant. He asks the waiter, “How do you prepare the chicken?” The waiter says, “We sit it down and say, ‘It doesn’t look good - you’re probably not going to make it.’”
  • A dog walks into a telegraph office and says, “I want to send a telegraph.” The guy says, “OK, shoot.” Then the dog says, “Woof woof woof woof woof. Woof woof woof woof.” The guy says, “That’s only nine words. You can send another ‘woof’ for the same price.” The dog stares at him puzzled, “But… That would make no sense…”
  • Some muffins are in an oven and one muffin turns to another and says, “Hot enough for you?” Then the other muffin says, “OMG, it’s a talking muffin!”
  • Q: Why did Hitler not drink alcohol? A: Because it made him mean.
  • A salesman goes to a house and a little kid holding a tumbler of scotch in one hand and lit cigar in the other answers the door. The salesman is puzzled and asks, “Little boy, are your mommy or daddy home?,” and the kid says, “What the hell do you think?”
  • A moth goes to a chiropractor and says, “Doc, you’ve got to help me. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I just feel depressed all the time.” The chiropractor says, “I’m sorry, if you have something wrong with your back or something like that I can help you, but it sounds like you need a psychiatrist. Why did you come see me?” So the moth says, “I couldn’t help it, your light was on.”