February 27, 2012

  • A clown and a young boy walk into a dark forest. The boy says to the clown, “I’m scared.”

    The clown says, “You’re scared? I’m the one that’s got to walk back out of here alone…”

  • A dedicated shop steward was at a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels.

    When he got to the first one, he asked the madame, “Is this a union house?”

    “No, I’m sorry it isn’t.”

    “Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?”

    “The house gets $80 and the girls get $20.”

    Mightily offended at such unfair dealings, the man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable shop.

    His search continued as long as you want to draw things out, until finally he reached a brothel where the madame said, “Why yes, this is a union house.”

    “And if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?”

    “The girls get $80 and the house gets $20.”

    “That’s more like it!” the man said. He looked around the room and pointed to a stunningly attractive redhead. “I’d like her for the night.”

    “I’m sure you would, sir,” said the madame, gesturing to a fat fifty-year-old woman in the corner, “but Ethel here has seniority.”

  • A grasshopper goes into a bar. The bartender notices him and says, “Hey! We’ve got a drink named after you.” The grasshopper says, “You’ve got a drink named James?”

  • Never raise your hand to your children; it leaves your midsection unprotected. – Robert Orben

  • “Knock Knock”
    “Who’s there?”
    “Interupting cow.”

  • Daily Horoscope: Libra (Sep. 23 to Oct. 22) - A long-forgotten loved one will appear soon. Buy the negatives at any price.