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A clown and a young boy walk into a dark forest. The boy says to the clown, “I’m scared.”
The clown says, “You’re scared? I’m the one that’s got to walk back out of here alone…”
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A dedicated shop steward was at a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels.
When he got to the first one, he asked the madame, “Is this a union house?”
“No, I’m sorry it isn’t.”
“Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?”
“The house gets $80 and the girls get $20.”
Mightily offended at such unfair dealings, the man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable shop.
His search continued as long as you want to draw things out, until finally he reached a brothel where the madame said, “Why yes, this is a union house.”
“And if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?”
“The girls get $80 and the house gets $20.”
“That’s more like it!” the man said. He looked around the room and pointed to a stunningly attractive redhead. “I’d like her for the night.”
“I’m sure you would, sir,” said the madame, gesturing to a fat fifty-year-old woman in the corner, “but Ethel here has seniority.”
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A grasshopper goes into a bar. The bartender notices him and says, “Hey! We’ve got a drink named after you.” The grasshopper says, “You’ve got a drink named James?”
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Never raise your hand to your children; it leaves your midsection unprotected. – Robert Orben
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“Knock Knock”
“Who’s there?”
“Interupting cow.”
“Interrupt…”
“MOOO!” -
Daily Horoscope: Libra (Sep. 23 to Oct. 22) - A long-forgotten loved one will appear soon. Buy the negatives at any price.