March 6, 2012

  • A guy was on vacation in Mexico and he went to see the bullfights. When it was over he went to a nearby restaurant. The waiter recited the menu and then said, “Since today there was a bullfight, we also have fresh testicles on the menu if you’d like to try them.”

    The guy was always up for something new so he ordered them. They arrived and they were absolutely delicious; tender, flavorful, and unlike anything he’d ever eaten.

    Exactly a later he was back in Mexico on business, and he and his co-worker found themselves with an extra day to kill.

    “How about the bullfights?” He suggested. “Afterward we can get a beer at this restaurant nearby.” His friend agreed and they went to the fights only to be told they were already over.

    “Let’s go get a beer then,” remembering the testicles he said, “we can eat, too. They have this dish you’re going to love.”

    They ordered the testicles but when the dish arrived the testicles were much smaller, weren’t nearly as flavorful, and kind of disappointing.

    When they were done he asked the waiter what happened to the dish. They had been so much better last year.

    The waiter leaned closer and said, “Señor, the bull doesn’t always lose.”

  • A Los Angeles Dodger races into a bar. The bartender throws him out. (substitute your “favorite” team/player)

  • A neutron walks into a bar and says, “Hey bartender! How much for a beer?” The bartender looks at him and says, “For you? No charge!”

  • A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.

    “What are you doing?” She asked.

    “Hunting flies.”

    “Oh. Killing any,” she asked.

    “Yep, three males, two females,” he replied.

    Intrigued, she asked, “How can you tell them apart?”

    He responded, “Three were on a beer can, two were on the phone.”

  • A skeleton walks into a bar and says, “I’ll have a beer and a mop.”

  • Two cows are standing in a field.

    One says, “Have you heard about mad cow disease?”

    The other replies, “Why do I care? I’m a helicopter!”