February 29, 2012

  • The Comic Sans font walks into a bar. The bartender says, “We don’t serve your type here.”

  • A construction worker brings his dog to work every day, and at noon tucks a 5 dollar bill under the dog’s collar. The dog trots off to the local bar, where the bartender takes the fiver and gives the dog a sandwich in a paper bag which the dog brings back to the work site for his owner.

    One day, the man only has a 20, but figures that the bartender will be honest. An hour goes by, and he stomps angrily over to the bar where he confronts his dog who is sitting on a stool drinking a beer and eating a sandwich.

    “I never had change before” says the dog.

  • Two guys walk into a bar, the third one ducked in time.

  • One atom says to the other atom, “I think I’ve lost an electron.” The other atom says, “Are you sure?” “Yes, I’m positive.”

  • A guy goes to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor says, “First thing, you have to stop masturbating.”

    “Why is that, Doc?”

    “Because I have to finish this exam.”

A: Try to cheer him up.