Control freak…now you say, “Control freak who?”
I remember the last thing my Grandma said to me before she died, ‘What are you doing here with that hammer?’
When I go I hope to die in my sleep like my Grandfather did. Not screaming and wetting myself like the passengers in the car with him.
Why did the chicken commit suicide? To get to the other side.
A man is sitting in his living room when he hears a knock on the door. He opens the door and there’s a snail there. The snail says to the man, “Excuse me sir, would you like to buy a magazine subscription?”
The man picks up the snail and throws it as hard as he can and closes the door.
Three years later, the man hears another knock on his door. He opens the door and the snail says, “What the hell, man?”
A guy was driving down the road with 17 penguins in his car when a cop stopped him.
The cop said, “Look, you need to take these penguins to the zoo.”
So the guy says, “Yes officer, I’ll do that immediately.”
The next day, same guy is driving down the road with the same 17 penguins when the cop stops him again.
“I told you to take these penguins to the zoo.”
“We did that yesterday. Today we’re going to the beach.