March 10, 2012

  • When NASA was preparing for the Apollo Project, it took the astronauts to a Navajo reservation in Arizona for training. One day, a Navajo elder and his son came across the space crew walking among the rocks.

    The elder, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question. His son translated for the NASA people, “What are these guys in the big suits doing?”

    One of the astronauts said that they were practicing for a trip to the moon.

    When his son relayed this comment the Navajo elder, the elder got all excited and asked if it would be possible to give to the astronauts a message to deliver to the moon.

    Recognizing a promotional opportunity when he saw one, a NASA official accompanying the astronauts said, “Why certainly!” and told an underling to get a tape recorder.

    The Navajo elder’’s comments into the microphone were brief. The NASA official asked the son if he would translate what his father had said.

    The son listened to the recording and laughed uproariously, but he refused to translate.

    So the NASA people took the tape to a nearby Navajo village and played it for other members of the tribe. They too laughed long and loudly but also refused to translate the elder’s message to the moon.

    An official government translator was summoned. After he finally stopped laughing the translator relayed the message, “Watch out for these jerks. They have come to steal your land.”

  • One day an old Iranian man who had retired as an American citizen called his son on the phone.

    “I don’t know what to do about my garden. After the last harvest and the dry summer, the ground has become too hard for me to till. I don’t have the strength to plant seeds as the tough dirt will is too strong for my arthritic hands to plow. Please come here and help me sow it.”

    “I’m sorry, father, but I cannot at this time,” his son replied. “I’m about to close a large contract at work and leaving now would be detrimental to its success. Also, you should not dig too deep or you will find the package my fellow brothers at the mosque back at home buried there so many years ago.”

    The next day, several government agents arrived with a backhoe and shovels, tearing the land apart in search of the mysterious package, unable to find it.

    That night, the man wrote his son a letter…

    “Dear son,
    Thank you ever so much for your kind words on the phone call. The ground is now quite soft and easy for me to plant.
    Your father.”

  • Q: What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?

    A: The Holocaust.

  • Q: What do you call a woman with one leg longer than the other?

    A: Eileen.

    Q: Yeah, but whaddya call a Chinese woman with one leg longer than the other?

    A: Irene.

  • Q: What did one light bulb say to the other light bulb?

    A: Let’s go out tonight!

  • A young blonde comes home from school and asks her mother, “Is it true what Rita just told me? That babies come out of the same place where boys put their thingies?”

    “Yes, dear,” replied her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and she wouldn’t have to explain it.

    “But then when I have a baby, won’t it knock my teeth out?”